I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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