my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I didn't notice because vodka
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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