If that was your dad, he is hot
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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