he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
