I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
