Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
