she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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