I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
