loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
