God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
