Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
