Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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