I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
