porn star boner night. come get it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
