I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
