I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
