I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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