I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
