feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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