Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
