yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
