Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
