guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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