how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
