Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
