I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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