Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
