I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just wanna soil my oats bro
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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