My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
