Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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