WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
