on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
