he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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