Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
