new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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