sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
