Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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