The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
