Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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