So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
