I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
