No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
