Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
