i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
