bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
