Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
