His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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