Are we in a gay sports bar?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
