This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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