he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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