he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
