is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
