Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
